Got a husband? (already, yet?)

Woman who are you?
If you were asked this today, what would you answer?
Would you give your name in response? Would you talk about your job? Would you talk about your kids? Would you refer to your husband’s job as a ‘by proxy’ role definition?

Now some of you will say: ‘what husband? I do not have a husband…’
Are you sure?

Bear with me.

The question of who we are is part of our human struggle of identity and belonging. As women, we face this same struggle – however, always with the backdrop of Genesis 3:16,

“Your desire shall be against your husband, and he shall rule over you”.

We have been beautifully made ( even if you do not think so!). God has given us our spirit, our heart, mind, body, talents and gifts in abundance and life to use all these for His glory!

Our struggle against authority over us, however, hampers us. Wives, struggling to accept ( and, right at his point many of you are cringing…and leaning up against these words, wanting to scream…hang in there and hear me out) their husband’s authority and, as all children of God, the Lord’s authority over your life. (1Corinthians 11:3)

Singles, do you see my point about: “Are you sure you have no husband?”- Christ, the bridegroom, in authority over His bride, in authority over you!

As we fight His lordship and possibly the lordship of our husbands, we lose power,grace and the essence of our life. Why? Because in everything we do, we are swimming against the stream of God’s design. Always wanting to be special, in control, better than those we have been created to serve…

It is like an athlete, designed for the olympic marathon, made for endurance, lean, good heart, able to sprint when necessary, but at his best when running the distance – suddenly choosing to be a heavy weight lifter. Can he learn this sport? Sure? Will he ever be at the top of that sport? Maybe. But certainly – most certainly, not without extra effort, pain and personal struggle, always with a niggling question of whether there might not be some better purpose for his body, mind and abilities. He trains hard, harder than he needs to, just to finally realise that he invested in the wrong sport.

So far with the metaphor ( which never really can convey the full picture).

Wives: struggling with your husband’s overbearing behaviour?
So you fight back with words, stubborness, sly ways to get back at him? Possibly even making him look bad or ‘small’ in public?

Possibly you are fed up with his lack of willingness to step up to the plate and lead?
So, of course, you have to…, right?

Or, what about him just not loving you like Christ?
So, you keep telling him that and make it clear that he needs to change.

Well, you say, he is not even a Christian. (Where does it say we are to submit only to believing husbands?)

You might always want to be in the driver’s seat. Can you drive? Sure. The question, however, is, as with the Olympic Marathon runner, whether God has designed you for that role? Did he design your husband for the supporting passenger seat? If He has not, what role will your husband play? The onlooker, hampered in fullfilling his own God-given purpose and role? Because of you? Do you really want that responsibility?

Single ladies: Looking for a husband who will accept you just as you are and will accept that you are a woman with her own mind?
Or maybe you fight marriage altogether, as it only means compromise and your life is good with just you in it?